Author Comment Rimmie Borden  Posts: 73 (4/14/04 12:06 pm) 3083: Rimmi's Royal Screwing of the RPG!!!111!! (Robo_Pimp_Daddy and Superstar_Sparky leave MSTBlanca feeling happy and fulfilled after stealing the magic dice.) RPD: I hope Rimmi isn't too mad. Talk about chicks and their mind games, man she is the WORST. It's inevitable that she'll punish me in some way but I just hope I'm able to say more than "BITCH" in my defence. That'll get me skinned for sure and I'm still healing from the last time. SS: We'll think of something to tell her about why YOU tried to sell us out. RPD: Me? You wanted that technology every bit as much as I did. More than me. And what's this about Betty and Veronica being your idea of "hot, naughty" comic book characters anyway? SS: Oh shut up, you penis! I'm allowed to have layers too. RPD: (shaking his head) Damn! I invented a machine to find GROPE HQ but what good does it do if I can't find the machine- Hey! Watch it! (RPD runs into Chris Moltisanti from The Sopranos. They both pull back and glare hard at each other.) Chris: Me? Watch where I'm going? You were talking to some other guy 'cause you wouldn't dare say that to me. Strange though. I don't see any other guys around. RPD: Didn't we get up on the wrong side of the Pesce this morning? Chris: All right. That's it. Apperently you need my services badly. See, I run this company called "Whack-A-Guy. I find a guy, and I whack him. Looks like you (pokes RPD in the chest) drew ticket number one so step up to the window please. SS: Now wait. Let's talk about this. What are you doing in the rpg anyway? Chris: Rimmi has a new obsession with me so I suppose I've been manifested here for her. RPD: But that's why I'm here! (glares) I'm her true obsession. Chris: Not anymore, geekboy. I'm here to stay. You're old news. RPD: Oh am I? I don't think so. Look around. I don't see Corey Feldman, Malcolm Frink or Thom Fillicia here, do you? Know why? She got over them, like she will with you. Chris: No she won't. I can feel in my gut I'll be here for a while. RPD: Your gut could use a few less pastries. Chris: Hey! I just quit drinking. Cut me some slack. SS: His gut could have a poin- er- I mean he could be right. I mean, look at you two. You both have the same noses, wild hair, cleft in the chin, and you both treat women nearly the same. You're like twins. Jeez! Rimmi needs therapy! Chris and RPD: (Chris and RPD examine each other from a manley distance, than big nose to big nose. Finally: ) I don't see it. SS: Rimmi's really gone off the deep end. It's like she's forgotten all about her MST3K roots. She keeps adding her latest crushes into rpg without any regard for the standards of an MST3K themed rpg. Chris: What's Inch-high Private Eye's problem over here? RPD: (Laughs) That's a good one. But don't listen to him. He makes a lot of noise that's not worth listening to. Let's get back to our issue at hand. I have just acquired some dice. You look like a gambling man. Let's roll the dice and which ever one of has the lower number has to leave the rpg for good. Chris: Sounds good to me. As long as your up for it and promise not to wet yourself when you lose. RPD: Sparky, give me the dice. SS: (shaking his head over the sad loss of Rimmi's ability to stay on topic. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the dice only to fumble and drop them on the ground. WELL! Lo and behold a giant vortex opens up and a giant fish with long tentacles swims out into the air.) Crap. RPD and Chris: What the F- Fish: GROWL!!!!!!! RPD: What did you do? SS: (gulps while keeping his eyes on the giant floating mutant fish in the air) I guess I was thinking about Rimmi's trouble keeping on topic, and I was thinking about you two; an electronics genius and an Italian American stereotype and I guess I related it all back to Devil Fish. RPD: I am going to rip out your brain. Chris: Iwas thinking the same thing. SS: See!! Twins! Devil Fish: (swims off through the air towards GROPE because this is all about Rimmi's psychosis apperently. Thanks SS!) GROWL!!!! (SS runs after the fish thinking his chances are better and RPD and Chris follow) Tag anyone!

Author Comment PharaohMobius  Poin Protected Posts: 35 (4/14/04 10:51 pm) 3084: Devil Fish: GROWL!!1! Chris: I swear, as soon as we get away from the flyin' calamari here, I am *so* gonna f^$#+n' whack you, poindexter. RPD: Not if I kill him first! And I will! Chris: Don't speak too soon, Gilbert. I'll f&%&n' whack you *and* Lewis! SS (snickers): He said "whack"! RPD: You don't know when to quit, do you gonad breath? SS: Shut up, you Jawa turd! RPD: Sinnus Supremus! SS: Zero Charisma! RPD: Sinnus Supremus! SS: Zero Charisma! Chris: Shut up, SHUT UP!! (He notices something.) Quick, follow me! (He enters a blank storefront.) <Inside the abandoned store is a mobbed-up guy sitting at a desk. He has kind of a sour look on his face.> Chris: Johnny Tightlips! What are you doing here? Johnny Tightlips: What's it to you? RPD: Hey mister, does this place have a rear exit? Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin! Chris: Come on, Johnny, you can trust me. We go a ways back, remember? Johnny Tightlips: My memory ain't so good. Chris: Aw, F$#@ this! (He shoots Johnny and runs into the back of the store.) SS: Whoa, mister! Are you hurt? Johnny: Wouldn't you like to know? RPD: Come on, doofus! Forget him! SS (He ignores RPD, who sighs in frustration and runs after Chris.): Where did he shoot you? Johnny: You can't make me squeal! SS: But what do I tell the doctor? Johnny: Tell 'im to suck a lemon! RPD (re-enters the room and starts dragging SS after him.) Come *on*, Scrotor! <Immediately after RPD and SS run into the back room, the Devil Fish crashes through the front window.> Devil Fish: ROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!1! Johnny: Yeah, you'd like me to scream, wouldn't you? TmPM Sorry, couldn't resist bringing in Johnny Tightlips. =D I mean, if Rimmi can bring in *her* favorite mob character... Sarcophagus! Edited by: PharaohMobius  at: 4/14/04 10:59 pm

Author Comment PharaohMobius  Poin Protected Posts: 48 (5/1/04 1:35 am) 3085: Linky: So, Red! What d'you wanna do? Teen Hellboy: Look, I keep telling you, I have a girlfriend. And she's not you. Linky: Aww, you're mean! Mobius, use your magic science and junk to make Red fall in love with me! PM: Huh?? You leave me out of this. Teen Hellboy: Speaking of your "magic science and junk", aren't you supposed to be finding a way to get me home? PM: Ummm... yeah. See, the thing is, I don't know where you came from, so I don't know how to get you home. Teen Hellboy: But... but you said that you were working on it! You said you would find a way! PM: Well you see, the thing is, I was just trying to get you off my case long enough to enjoy my lunch. But now that I'm done eating my quesadillas, I can go ahead and tell you outright that I don't care enough about your problem to bother fixing it. Teen Hellboy: Oh yeah, you sonovabitch? Let's see if THIS makes you care! <He starts using his big stone fist to smash up the bar!> PM: Ack! Okay, okay, I'll start working on it immediately! Teen Hellboy: That's more like it. But first, can you do something about Miss Kitty here? She's really getting on my pecs! PM: Yeah, obsessive teenage girls *can* be annoying. Teen Hellboy: No, I mean literally! Can you at least get her to stop jumping on me every 5 seconds? Linky: *ahem* I am in the room, you know. Teen Hellboy: So you DO grasp the problem! Linky, glaring: It's a good thing I like you, Red. <Suddenly, the air is split open by the second portal in as many days! Sheesh, these things are becoming pretty darned common around here lately. Anyway, a guy who looks like a skinnier version of the Creature From The Black Lagoon and a young woman with dark red hair step out of the portal.> Fish Guy: See, I told you I'd find hi-- Oh. My. Redheaded Woman: Well. You don't waste any time, do you Red? Teen Hellboy: It's not what it looks like, Liz! Liz: It looks like a catgirl is straddling you. Teen Hellboy: Well... okay, yeah. But I'm not enjoying it! <A dangerous fire seems to ignite in her eyes. However, it doesn't stop there, but continues to ignite the air around her! Soon, Liz is ablaze with blue fire!> PM: Aw, hell no! Teen Hellboy: Uh... you all might want to take cover now. <PM, Linky, and Fish Guy all duck behind the bar. And just in time, too! 'Cause right then, Liz lets out a scream of rage, and the air literally explodes around her!> <When the smoke clears, PM stands up to gape in horror at the destruction of his bar. Again.> PM: My bar! You bi-- err... <He seems to think better of what he's about to say.> you bad person, you! Teen Hellboy (extracting himself from the rubble): Do you feel better now, Liz? Liz (smiling): Much, thank you. Shall we go home now? Teen Hellboy: Sounds good to me. Blue, let's blow this popcicle stand. Fish Guy (shaking PM's hand): It's been a singlular pleasure. PM (wiping the fish-slime off of his hand): I'm glad you think so. Linky: No! Red can't go! He's my-- PM (clamps a hand over Linky's mouth): She means, he's mighty good company, and we're sorry to see him leave. But if you have to go, then go. *Quickly*. Teen Hellboy: Don't have to tell me twice. <He stands next to Liz and Fish Guy. Fish guy casts a magic spell, and another portal opens up. Hellboy and his friends step through, and the portal closes.> PM: OW! <Linky has bitten his hand.> That hurt! Linky (gagging and spitting): Eeew! I can taste Abe's fishy hand on yours! Pleh! You suck, you know that? PM: Hey, I didn't want to shake hands with Mr. Limpett. He just kind of did it before I knew what he was doing. Linky: No! I mean you just totally ruined my life! My Hellboy is gone thanks to you! This is the worst day of my life! <Linky kicks PM in the shin and runs off, sobbing.> PM (looking at the wreckage of his bar): It hasn't exactly been a red letter day for me either, kid. TmPM Okay, now that I've gotten rid of the bizarre character no one knew what to do with, we can go back to normal characters, like talking porcelain cows and car-hawking, dancing charteuses. =) Sarcophagus! Green Light

Author Comment PharaohMobius  Poin Protected Posts: 52 (5/4/04 9:27 pm) 3086: <Mickey returns to Batwoman's house...> <...and finds the place strangely quiet. After looking around for a bit, he finds Rimmi watching TV in the family room.> Mickey: Hey, where is everybody? And what happened to the monkeys? Rimmi: Davey Jones, Peter Tork, and Mickey Dolenz have a reunion every once in awhile, but Mike Nesmith is too busy producing to get involved. I know that because I've been watching the Behind The Music marathon all day. Mickey: No, I meant... never mind. What's going on? Rimmi: Like I said, I've been watching TV all day. Lita and Evil Mike are fooling around in Lita's room and I don't know where Tork is. Where have you been? Mickey: I foiled a terrorist plot to kill John Linnell! But that's not important right now. I need to unwind. You feel like going out and doing something? Rimmi: I guess I can live without seeing what's happened to the Bay City Rollers. What do you have in mind? <Suddenly, strummy guitar music starts up, and Mickey is singing!> Mickey: o/` So just how far down do you wanna go? we could talk it out over a cup of joe and you could look deep into my eyes, like I was Adam Busch. Uh huh! o/` <The rest of the band starts playing, and the guitar starts in earnest. It's playing the tune of "Banditos", by The Refreshments.> Mickey: o/` Well it's you and me Rimmi, no one else who can go 'Cuz the Litas and Tork, oh, and Wurwolf and Schmoe Are all busy with their own things, and we weren't invited. Uh uh! o/` <Suddenly, Rimmi and Mickey are sneaking up toward MSTBlanca! Buffalo is guarding the door, looking clueless.> Mickey: o/` So give your ID card to the bouncer there. Yeah your alias says you're Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as student at University of Sunnydale, 'Cuz he's just Buffalo anyway. o/` <Rimmi and Mickey sneak past Buffalo and start stealing booze! Wacky hijinx ensue!> Mickey: o/` Everybody knows MSTBlanca's full of stupid people So meet me at the claymation bar and we'll swipe the booze there. Everybody knows PM's henchmen all are stupid people But I got the slappin' trout, so I'll keep the "paper towels". Yeah and that seems fair. o/` <Next thing you know, Mickey and Rimmi are sabotaging vehicles in front of PM's bar! Don't worry, the vehicles have PM's logo on it, so it's all right.> Mickey: o/` So put the sugar in the tank of the Pharaoh's car, And slash Sam Casey's tires and they won't get very far When they finally get the word that we stole the liquoir! Uh huh! o/` <PM and Sam try to drive, only to crash their vehicles! Hilarity ensues! Meanwhile, Rimmi and Mickey are tormenting Buffalo mercilessly.> Mickey: o/` Well give your ID card to the bouncer there. Yeah your alias says you're Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as student at University of Sunnydale, 'Cuz he's just Buffalo anyway. Everybody knows MSTBlanca's full of stupid people So meet me at the claymation bar and we'll swipe the booze there. Everybody knows PM's henchmen all are stupid people But you've got McHappysackslasher, so YOU keep the "paper towels"! Yeah and that seems fair! More than fair! (please don't hurt me) Yeah that seems faaaaaaiiiiirrrrr!!! o/` <Rimmi pours booze over PM's head, while Mickey rocks out on guitar, finishing out the song! And the screen goes black.> <Mickey returns to Batwoman's house, and finds the place strangely quiet. After looking around for a bit, he finds Rimmi watching TV in the family room.> Mickey: Hey, where is everybody? And what happened to the monkeys? Rimmi: Davey Jones, Peter Tork, and Mickey Dolenz have a reunion every once in awhile, but Mike Nesmith is too busy producing to get involved. I know that because I've been watching the Behind The Music marathon all day. Mickey: No, I meant... never mind. I need a nap. TmPM Woo! TFTD Music Videos! Sarcophagus!

Author Comment Carmelita9000 Posts: 252 (5/8/04 1:38 am) 3087: Reading is fun for mentals! (Yes I stole that from a freaking old ep of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Shut up.) <PM's goons are cleaning up the wreckage that is MSTBlanca> PM: Come on, you slackers! Get moving! We can't have customers coming in here and seeing the place like this! <Nabut, who has been sweeping the floor, sweeps on over to PM and rests his broom against the wall> Nabut: My Liepeachpidge, do forgive me for asking, I'm sure I shouldn't even be so presumptuous as to poin this out... PM: Yes? Nabut: As I'm *sure* you recall, this bar is made from Gumby Clay. PM: Of course I recall that! Nabut: So couldn't it just... clean up and repair itself? PM: It could. But the mechanism has been a little wonky lately. Last time we reformed MSTBlanca I found my prized collection of rare scarabs imbedded in my wall. Nabut: Such a shame, that. Not having those... charming little things crawling around the place... It sure was a... whimsical surprise that morning I found one hiding in my boxers. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just *laugh* about that one. Nevertheless, I'm sure that... malfunction would not happen again. It should be safe to animate the clay. PM: Oh, no no no. I couldn't *possibly* take that risk again. Somebody could be *hurt*. Unless, of course, you don't think it was the machinery that smashed my scarabs. It couldn't have been anything else... could it? Nabut's face remains expressionless: It couldn't possibly be anything else, My Pliedgepie. You're right. We can't risk another catastrophe like the one that killed those priceless beloved scarabs of yours. Well, break time is over. I'd better go back to helping to manually repair the bar now. PM: Yes, you do that. <PM looks on as his henchmen continue to clean up.> Buffalo: Whall lookie whut Ah founded hayere! <He holds up an old dusty book> Whall, Ah never wuz intuh thayt darnded colladge learnin'. Ah'll just go sit this ohn thuh fayre. <Buffalo starts to leave with the book but PM comes up behind him and takes it out of his hand> Buffalo: Hey! Fahnders kaypers, Boss! PM: You found it in my bar so it must be mine, you idiot. Though I admit I don't recognize it. <He dusts the book off and reads the cover> "Super Villanie for Abfolute Moronf, by Tuthmofif Mobiuffe." Huh. How about that? I never knew the old man wrote a book. Buffalo: Tuthmofif Mobiuffe? What kahnd of a stupidey naihme is thayat? PM: It's Tuthmosis Mobius, *Buffalo*. This book was written back before the letter S was invented. Now get back to work. <PM sits down at the bar and flips through the dusty old tome. Rick sidles up to him, wiping the bar down> Rick: What's that you have there, Boss? PM: This book was written by my great great great great great grandfather Tuthmosis Mobius. He was the greatest Supervillian of the time! Of ALL time! Boy, he sure did pull off a lot of amazing capers! Rick: Yeah? Like what, Boss? PM: All kinds of amazing capers! And with this book, I can be the greatest Supervillian of my time! Rick: Aren't you already? I didn't think you'd ever admit you weren't. I thought megalomania was part of the Supervillian package. PM: Are you my great great great great great great grandfather Tuthmosis? Rick: No. PM: Then don't tell him, or me, how we do our jobs! There's always room for improvement. With the help of this book, I can take over the world! And finally get GROPE off my back! Rick: I'm sure you will, Boss. PM: I'd better start reading. "Chapter 1. So You Want to Be a Pulp Villianne..." ----------------------------------------------------------------------- <Meanwhile, waaaaaaayyyy over somewhere else, Carmelita6969 comes home. She puts her purse and some shopping bags down and finds Jimmy deeply rapt in some reading.> 6969: Hello, Jimmy Sweetie. Are you still reading? You were reading when I went out. Jimmy: Sorry, Lita6969. But reading is good for you, you know. Besides, this is great stuff! 6969: Speaking of great stuff, I was out shopping and I bought a new outfit. Wanna come see me try it on? Jimmy: Sure, in a little bit, Hon. 6969: Aww, come on! I want to show you! I think you'll really like it! Jimmy: Yeah, yeah, just a bit. I just want to finish this chapter, ok? 6969: All right. <she flounces over to a nearby chair and flops down to wait. She waits for quite some time as Jimmy continues to read. Suddenly, she looks up at him, an annoyed tone to her voice> Hey! Hey! I saw that! You just started a new chapter! You said you'd come play with me at the end of that other chapter! Don't you want to see what I spent your money on? <She pulls a lacy wisp of chiffon out of the shopping bag, but Jimmy doesn't even look up. Lita6969 sighs loudly and puts the nightie back in the bag. She walks over to Jimmy and looks over his shoulder.> What are you reading? Jimmy, finally looking up from his book: Well, I went to the local library today-- You know that any good hero supports his local library-- 6969: Of course. Jimmy: --and I found this great book there! I didn't even know it existed! <Jimmy hands the book to 6969 who looks at it interestedly> 6969: "Fantaftick Heroicks for Abfolute Moronf, by Tuthmofif Mobiuffe" Jimmy: Yeah. You know who that author was? That's my great great great great great great grandfather Tuthmosis. 6969: I didn't know you had a grandfather Tuthmosis. Jimmy: He was the greatest hero of his day. Of all time! You should hear about some of the crimes he foiled! The people he saved! 6969: Wow. So it must be really exciting for you to find this book. Jimmy: It sure is! And that's why I can barely tear myself away! 6969, stooping to rest her chin on Jimmy's shoulder: Even for me? Jimmy: Just think! If I follow the advice in this book I could finally rid the world of evil! I could bring that rat brother of mine to justice once and for all! <Lita6969 straightens up and gently puts a hand on Jimmy's shoulder> 6969: You know, evil has been in the world for a long time. I don't know if this one book could tell you how to end it... Jimmy: Of course it can. It says it can. Right here: "In thif volumme I fhall tel you howwe to onfe and fore alle diftroy all evil wherever it refidef." 6969: But... If Tuthmosis knew how to end all evil once and for all... Why didn't he do it in his day? Jimmy: Hey, I hope you're not speaking ill of my great great great great great grandfather! 6969: No, no! Of course not! I'm just asking. <Jimmy has gone back to his reading.> Hey, I'm talking to you. <She closes the book> Jimmy: Hey! I was reading that! 6969: You've been reading for a very long time. You'll give yourself eyestrain. Would your grandfather Tuthmosis want you to have eyestrain? Jimmy: No... 6969: Well then why don't you take a little break? You can come pay attention to me for a little while! Jimmy, reluctantly: Well I guess it wouldn't hurt... 6969: I promise it won't. ;o) Lita Queen Bitch President of the I Hate Riddler Club Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club Red Light No, Lita6969 does not live with GROPE though she does often hang out with them

Author Comment MickeyTGardener  PANTSMASTER! Posts: 597 (5/9/04 4:33 pm) 3088: Lita: Mickey! Where the hell have you been? Mickey: Pharaoh revenging? Lita: Oh don't give me that! You couldn't revenge the Pharaoh on the revengingest day of your life if you had an electrified revenging machine!!!! Mickey: Could too! Rimmi...the song! Rimmi: What song? Mickey: We went to MSTBlanca...and...did...stuff...I think Rimmi: What the hell are you talking about? I've been sitting here all day watching Behind the Music! Lita: GAH!! The Creed ep! (Throws a lamp at the tv and the tv breaks) Rimmi: Geesh! Overreact much? Lita: Sorry....I'm not the one on trial here!! Mickey: OK, the truth is, after I ran off I was called to testify at Ortega's trial.... Lita: What happened to Ortega? Mickey: They caught him going through the middle kid from Full House's trash. Anyway....so I go there and the judge is all inept and the trial kept getting extended and it was horrible...stupid Judge Jones. Evil Mike (Walks in the room): Ugh. Ponytail Jones? I've had him... Rimmi: *snicker* Ponytail Jones? Lita: Never heard of him. Rimmi: Well apparantly he has a ponytail Mickey: Oddly enough, no he doesn't. Well to make a long story short, Ortega's in the slammer. Evil Mike: Good! Keep punks like that off the street, that's what I always say...hey, have you seen my acetyline torch anywhere? Rimmi: You left it in my hamper for some reason... Evil Mike: Oh right. I was burning all your panti...er, I mean I was welding all your panti...oh, that's not much better is it? Lita: Mike, what have I been telling you the last few weeks? Evil Mike: Panties need to be welded together? (Lita grabs Evil Mike's ear and drags him into the other room) Rimmi: Huh....so? Mickey: Guess we need a new tv? Hey Tork! We need to go shopping! Tork: (From his room) Oh no! I'm not going shopping with you again! (Just then, there's a knock on the door) Mickey: Cool! Maybe that's a tv! Rimmi: TVs don't knock.... (Mickey opens the door and finds....a tv) Mickey: Nyah nyah! (Sets it up and turns it on) Narrator on tv: We now return to hour 27 of Ken Burns'....Paddleball Guy: So this guy ahs a paddle and a ball and an elastic...holding the ball to the Paddleball. So I'm thinking, who is this putz? Rimmi: Gah! It's on every channel!!! Mickey: I can't turn it off! (Meanwhile at a lab somewhere in Jersey) STG: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Perfect! Niner (Who STG kidnapped...somewhere in the rp...yeah, it happened...don't bother looking): Yeah....this could work...until you know...they unplug it STG: No see, that's the genius of my plan...it's paralyzing. Anyone who sees it can't move. Niner: Huh...so since we're watching it on the serveillance camera, we can't move either I guess... STG: Well you see....I...well...D'OH!!!! MickeyTGardener President of the I Hate Dawn Club President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club Yup....Simpsons, Sifl and Olly, Animaniacs....I don't have an original bone in my body Red Light Edited by: MickeyTGardener  at: 5/9/04 4:36 pm

Author Comment MickeyTGardener  PANTSMASTER! Posts: 613 (5/13/04 2:49 pm) 3089: 2780: Uncy Evil, Uncy Evil! I picked more flowers for you!!! Evil Mike: Yeah, great. Put them with the other million dandelions you picked for me. 2780: OK! (/a runs off. Lita elbows EM) Evil Mike: OW! What the hell? Lita: You are to treat my clones with respect, especially 2780. Evil Mike: Oh c'mon, there weeds! Er, the dandelions I mean! Lita: I don't care, it's cute. And I like yello...oh I know, heh heh.... Evil Mike: What? Lita: You're afraid of the butter test... Evil Mike: Um.... Lita (Grabs a dandelion): C'mon...lift up your chin.. Evil Mike: You're creeping me out Lita...(Lita advances on Evil Mike) Get that weed away from me Lita....(EM gets out of his chair and starts running. Lita gives chase) Lita: Come back here, butterlover!!! (Meanwhile....) Mickey: You know...this show isn't bad, really. Beats season 7 Buffy any day... Narrator: Paddleball was invented by John Paddleball, a caucasion man from West Virginia. Black guy on tv: I told John it wouldn't work. Crazy cracker. Rimmi: I've had enough of this crap. Lita: (Yelling from the other room) Butterlover, butterlover!!! (Evil Mike runs behind the tv and trips over tv plug) Rimmi: Freedom! Sweet horrible freedom!! Lita (Walks in): Oh you klutz...(Goes to plug the tv back in) Mickey: Nooooooo!!!!!!! (Grabs the plug from Lita, pulling the plug too hard and gets electrocuted) Evil Mike: Well....huh. That'll show you not to be a dumbass. Dumbass. Rimmi: Are you ok? Mickey: F....f...f...fine (Lita and Evil Mike continue their chase, 2780 walks in the room) 2780: Yay! Other Guy has troll doll hair!! Mickey T Gardener President of the I Hate Dawn Club President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club 2780 is just DARLING!!! Green Light! (Yellow on STG and Niner) Edited by: MickeyTGardener  at: 5/13/04 2:51 pm

Author Comment Carmelita9000 Posts: 266 (5/15/04 1:51 am) 3090: wurwolf: I'm coming, my little darling! wurwolf: What was it you wanted? Figgy: I'moo having trouble getting to sleep. Could you read mooe a bedtime story? <Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow is reclining on a soft red velvet pillow that has "Figgy" embroidered on it in gold thread. He's wearing a tiny silk robe and nightcap.> wurwolf: Yes, right away, of course! I'll just go get the book I was reading you. <She hurries into the other room and grabs a novel.> I'll also make you some milk and cookies! <She hears a belligerent moo from Figgy's general direction> Oh, sorry. I forgot. How insensitive of me! Who am I, Lita? I'll get you some Kool-Aid. <She busies herself in the kitchen and then returns to Figgy with a silver tray upon which is a pitcher of Kool-Aid, a shot glass and a normal glass, a plate of cookies, and the paperback.> Here I am! <She drops the tray to the ground with a shriek> Figgy! Figgy, where are you??? <The cushion is empty! o/` BA-DUMMM!!! o/`> ----------------------------------------------------- 6969: Hey, Jimmy! Where are you going?? <She steps out the door of the apartment complex and approaches Jimmy> Jimmy: Huh? Ack! You weren't supposed to notice I was gone! 6969: Well when were you planning to be back? Jimmy: Er... I don't know... A few days... Maybe a few weeks... something like that... 6969: I think I may be slightly more observant than you give me credit for. I think I might have started to suspect you were gone after maybe the first week or so. Jimmy: Oh... I guess you have a poin. 6969: Why are you leaving me, Jimmy? Jimmy: I'm not leaving you! At least not permanently! It's just I have important Superhero business to take care of. Stuff that's way too dangerous to expose an innocent girl like you to. I promise I'll be back as soon as I'm done saving the world! 6969: This has to do with that book of yours, doesn't it? Jimmy: What makes you say that? 6969: You've got the book tucked under your arm. Jimmy: Oh! Well, erm... You know, it's a very noble cause that the book puts forth, destroying evil. 6969: Yes? Jimmy: And I owe it to my ancestor to give it a shot. 6969: Why? Jimmy: Because I'm a hero, that's why! I thought you were clear on this. 6969: So what do you have to do to end all evil? Jimmy: Just a little adventuring. I have to get a bunch of old artifacts out of some dusty old temples, put them all together, and Wham! I have this cool machine that will end evil. What do you think of that? 6969: .... Jimmy: You don't look too excited. Don't you want to be known as the girlfriend of the guy who ended evil? 6969: How does it even do that? By removing free will? Jimmy: Well, actually, 6969: Actually, never mind. I don't care how it works because it doesn't seem to me that it could work. I'm not sure that book of yours is all it's cracked up to be. Jimmy: I can't believe you said that! This is my grandfather's life's work you're talking about! 6969: I just wish you'd be careful. Jimmy: I'm always careful! "A goode herowe is never reckleff!" It says so right here in my book! Stop sighing at me like that. Look. I'd better go. Evil's had a big head start so I need to hurry! 6969: Ok. Just wait a minute so I can get my purse. Jimmy: But you can't-- 6969: I'm coming with you. I want to keep an eye on you. Jimmy: You don't trust me? 6969: I trust you. I don't trust that book of yours. Jimmy: I can't believe you said that! Take it back! 6969: Jimmy, let's not fight. We usually get along so well. Jimmy: You're usually not so unreasonable. 6969: ... fine. <6969 still obviously has some issues with Jimmy's statement, but chooses to overlook them for now in the name of keeping the peace.> Look, nevermind. Let's just get going, ok? Jimmy: But-- 6969: I'm going with you. That's final. Ok? ----------------------------------------------------- PM: Let's see, let's see... What's next on my To Do List... <PM pulls his book out of the bag he's carrying and starts flipping through it. As he does so, he hears some shouts coming from the bag. He reaches in and pulls Figgy out.> What do you want? Figgy: What in the BLOODY hell is wrong with you, Mooobius?? PM: Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Figgy: I was happy! I was having the timooe of mooy life! For once I was able to live mooy life in perfect happiness without any stupid Litas bothering mooe! Why did you break in to that lovely wurwolf's apartmooent and steal mooe, Mooobius? Why? PM: You're number 3 on my list of things I have to steal. Figgy: What? PM: Yeah. In my book on how to take over the world. It says I have to steal "an anthropomorfick talkinge animal maide from enchanted potterie." Figgy: That's bloody specific. PM: Well, my grandpa Tuthmosis knew what he was talking about. He's telling me how to make a doomsday machine, pretty much. Figgy: I thought you already had one of those. PM: Oh, several. That's why I'm doing all this on my own. My henchmen were all like, "You already have 20 doomsday machines!" and I said, "But none were recommended personally by my great great great great grandfather! And if you don't like my grandpa then I don't want your help!" So I went to get the stuff by myself! Let's see them deal with THAT! Figgy: You fired your staff? PM: Well I don't know if I *fired* them so much as I reminded them what my great great great great great great great grandpa Tuthmosis said to say to all who doubt me. Figgy: And what was that? PM: "And verrilie I saye unto youwe, get bennte." Figgy: Ah. I see. PM: They'll see I was right when my doomsday machine is vaporizing them all! HA HA HA!!! Er... Not that I'd vaporize my friends, of course. Figgy: Then what's the poin? PM: The poin is that I *could* vaporize them if I *wanted* to. Figgy: And you need mooe for this mooachine? PM: Most certainly. Figgy: Bugger. Lita Queen Bitch President of the I Hate Riddler Club Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club Yellow Light I've decided to yellow light this reply, but I'd like to qualify the yellow light. Obviously Jimmy and Lita6969 and PM and Figgy are about to go out and have all kinds of amazing adventures on the big scavenger hunt their respective books are sending them on, but I don't feel like writing about that. I was planning on cutting straight to the chase, where they bring all these things together, but then I thought I'd give you guys a chance to contribute if you want. So if you want to write a reply wherein PM and Figgy are out thieving some special object or other, or if you want to write a reply wherein Jimmy and Lita6969 are going all Indiana Jones in some old temple, have at it. I'll pick up this plotline again when everybody's gotten the stuff they need and are ready to put their big plans into action. Edited by: Carmelita9000 at: 5/15/04 1:26 pm

Author Comment PharaohMobius  Poin Protected Posts: 76 (5/25/04 12:07 am) 3091: <PM is walking along, carrying a big bag...> <...full of stuff. Figgey is peeking his head out of PM's shirt pocket. It's nighttime, and the nearly-full moon is shining brightly on the city street. Figgey seems to be pretty upset (even moreso than when last we saw him).> Figgey: I knew it! This is the damoon street that daft Lita womooan lives on! How dare you welch on our agreemooent? PM: I'moo-- I mean, *I'm* not welching on anything. I told you I would take you back to Wurwolf when I was finished taking over the world, and I'm going to do it. Figgey: Aren't you walking to where she and her damoon friends are living? PM: Because this is where the next of the components my ancestor prescribed for his Doomsday Machine design. I've already got the Necronomicon, a warp core from a flying saucer from Area 51, the burial mask of Tutankhamen, the infamous Baseball Diamond, the only remaining print of the alternate-ending series finale of "Newhart", where Bob wakes up next to Jackie Coogan instead of Susanne Pleschette, and finally, you. And now, I'm gonna get the next item on my list! Figgey: Damoon it mooan! Can't you see this damoon book has got you on a damoon fool wild goose chase? I mooean, DAMOON! PM: Quit saying "damoon". Figgey: Fine, then. Tell mooe: what are you going to try to steal fromoo Lita? PM: A puppet. Figgey: A WHAT?! PM: Specifically, a "mineature effigee of thinefelf, crafted from the fineft felte and fibrefille by the three hundred feventy-fcore and twelfth incarnation of thine enemey multiplicit." In other words, a puppet of me, made by Lita7412. Figgey (snickering): And what purpose could an puppet with your ugly mooug serve in a doomoo's day mooachine? PM: I have no idea. For that matter, I have no idea what a talking knicknack has in it, either. Guess I'll have to wait until I have all the components before I find out. Now shush, we're almost there. <Sure enough, they've reached the street in front of Batwoman's Nice Suburban Home.> PM: Now, to use my handy, dandy, Thief-o-matic glass cutter... <He poins a device that looks like a gun with a suction cup sticking out of the barrel at the house's big bay window, and pushes the suction cup against the glass and pulls the trigger. A little robot arm telescopes out from near the front of the device, and quickly cuts a big circle out of the window with a laser. The cow seems almost impressed.> PM (whispering): See how effortlessly and silently it cuts through the glass? And now to quietly dispose of the-- <The glass drops from the suction cup and crashes to the ground, making a terrible racket. The cow stifles a laugh.> PM (whispering): Damn. I knew I should have given the gripping component greater tractable strength. <He hides in the bushes, and waits for one of the residents to investigate the commotion. When no one does for the span of about 5 minutes, PM shrugs, comes out of hiding, and climbs through the hole in the glass. He starts to sneak through the family room, when suddenly the light comes on!> Figgey: EEP! <He quickly hides in PM's pocket.> <PM blinks at the sudden brightness, and sees Rimmi holding Mr. Poiny McHappysackslasher, Lita with a frying pan, Evil Mike brandishing brass knuckles, Mickey with a baseball bat, and Tork with a spatula, all staring at him. None of them look especially happy to see him.> PM: Err... hi! (He grins sheepishly.) Rimmi: What the #**%$ do you think you're doing here, Phunky Moonbootsius? PM: Umm... I... err... EM: Spit it out! This better be good, you bastard. I'm losing beauty sleep over this! Mickey: And God knows he needs it! Ow! <He is hit by Evil Mike.> PM: Well, I came to see if 7412 was here. Tork: At 2 in the morning?!? PM: Well, I... um... needed to ask her a favor. Lita: You *do* realize that most of my clones don't live with me, don't you? PM: Err... I guess... Lita: And you're damn lucky 2112 doesn't live here, or she'd be feeding you your own pancreas right now. PM: Yeah, I know that. Rimmi: Why the hell did you need to see her at this time of night, anyway? PM: Well, I really wanted to know if she had a PM puppet that I could use. EM: A puppet?! He's lamer than you are, Dork! Tork: He is not! I mean, I am not! I mean, you know what I mean. Lita (sternly): PM. PM: Yes? Lita: You're telling me you broke into our house... at 2 am... to steal a PUPPET? PM: Borrow. I wanted to *borrow* a puppet. Lita: Riiiiiight. So you broke our nice bay window, and disturbed our sleep, all over a damn puppet? PM: Sounds kind of silly when you put it like that. Mickey: Sounds really stupid no matter HOW you put it. Lita: I happen to have a PM puppet that 7412 made for me. We were going to use it to perform embarassing skits at your expense, but I suppose you *could* borrow it. PM: Gee, thanks-- Lita: IF! You promise not to use it for any evil purpose. You aren't going to use it for evil, are you? PM: No, ma'am. Lita: Good. NEXT! You must promise to give it back when you're finished, in EXACTLY the same condition you got it. PM: Okay. Lita: AND! If you promise not to take forever to return it. Whatever you need this for shouldn't take more than a few days at the most, am I right? PM: I should probably be done with it by then, I guess. Lita: Good. Now, before I give it to you, I'd like to discuss the matter of our window. PM: Aw, sheesh. Okay... <He pulls out his wallet and hands a few large bills to Lita> Grumblegrumblelousygypgrumble... Lita: WHAT WAS THAT?? PM: I said "Thanks for your kindness and mercy, Lita!" <He grins unconvincingly.> Lita: You should enunciate more clearly. It sure as hell didn't sound like you said that to me. PM: Ooookaaay. <Lita nods curtly and leaves the room. In a few moments she returns with the PM puppet.> Lita: There. Now, will you get the hell out of our house and leave us alone?!? PM: Yes, Lita. I'm sorry to have disturbed you. <He starts to step out through the hole in the window, until Lita clears her throat at him. Obligingly, he leaves through the front door.> PM: Goodnight, and thanks for the use of the puppet. Lita: Goodnight! Rimmi: Good riddance! EM: Go to hell! Lita (shaking her head): Dammit. Now what are we going to use to cover up the hole in the window? Mickey: Tork has a lifesized cardboard cutout of Nuveena in his room. Tork: Nuh uh! No way Nuvie's gonna be used for that! Rimmi: He's right. I don't want the neighbors to see that thing in the window. <Outside, PM is running away from Batwoman's Nice Suburban Home.> PM: Heh heh heh... suckers. Figgey (gasping for breath as he sticks his head out of PM's pocket): Damoonit! You ever hear of underarmoo deodorant? PM: Shut up. I sweat when I'm nervous. TmPM There you go, Lita! Better late than never, I guess. =) Sarcophagus! PM

Author Comment MickeyTGardener  PANTSMASTER! Posts: 644 (5/30/04 8:40 pm) 3092: PM: Now....let's see what's next..... Cow: You mooean there's moore???? PM: Well untill Lita tells me waht this damn thing's all abou...err, yes! Taking over the world is complicated!!! Now, I have to bring someone back from the dead...but I already coughed up a snake just last week.... Cow: Ewwwww! TMooI!!!!! (Thunder crashes the sky and Cow gets struck by lightning) Cow: BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Voice from the sky: MOBIUTH!!!!!!! PM: THWha...What???? What, does everyone have a speech impediment nowadays? Voice from the sky: THOU COMMITMENT IF REQUIRED!!!! THOU MUFT COMPLETE ALL TAFKF REGARDLEFF OF DIFFICULTY, DEMURRAL, AND EXTREME ICKYNEFF!!!!! PM: I.....I'm....s..sorry!!! I'll no longer queston you Grampy Tuthmosis!!! Tuthmosis: AND FTOP PRONOUNCING MY NAME WRONG!!!! PM: S....forry Grampy Tuthmofif!!! Cow: Cranky moouch?? Thuthmosis: TRY BEING DEAD FOR A MILINIA OR TWO, TINY TALKING NOVELTY!!!!! PM: But...raising the dead? Can't I just kill someone? Killing them's a lot easier than bringing them bac.... Tuthmosis: FILENCE!!!!! Cow: There's this great invention called s...you mooight wanna look into PM: Shuuuuuutuuuup....the...tiny novelty...not you....(More storm clouds gather into the semblance of a human face; it glares at PM)......It's just...I have various religious beliefs....I'm evil, but not crazy...and I just... Cow: Moobius is afraid of zomoobies! PM; That too... Tuthmosis: Well I fupoffe....I MEAN......NO!!!!!!! BRING ME A REANIMATED CORPFE OR YOU WILL FAIL!!!! And...uh, do the other ftuff on the lift too!!! (The sky returns to normal) Cow: Huh PM: Well, I don't suppose you have a bottle of "I Can't Believe It's Not Living Dead" on you Cow: Left it in mooy other pants MickeyTGardener President of the I Hate Dawn Club President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club Lemurs! Why did it have to be lemurs???? Yellow light...yeah you heard me....I'm yellow lighting someone else's concept!!!!

Author Comment MickeyTGardener  PANTSMASTER! Posts: 696 (6/14/04 6:19 pm) 3093: Mickey: And that's how I saved Christmas! Tork: Why did that story sound so familliar? Lita: Because it's the Pants Story. Mickey just replaced the words "invented pants" with "saved Christmas" Mickey: ....did not! Lita: What does covering your legs with maple syrup have to do with saving Christmas? Mickey: Gardener family tradition! Tork: Hey, whaddya think PM's up to right now? Lita: Putting on a puppet show to help get Buffalo to sleep, I don't know, don't care..... Mickey: I bet he intends to use that puppet for evil! Tork: Puppets aren't evil! You lie! Mickey: I can name a hundred evil puppets! Lita: Like Elmo Mickey: Elmo's a *Muppet*....not a very good one Lita: Sorry. I didn't know there was a differenc. Mickey: Does an M look like a P to you? Lita: No...guess not...dweeb. (While the politics of talking pieces of felt are interesting, let's see how PM and Cow are doing in their quest for a dead body....) Cow (Sitting in the drivers seat of the PMS Big Rig): I'moo not sure this'll work.... PM: Oh hush you....all I have to do is hook the jumper cables up to this ....um, unique smelling fellow, and he'll walk! Or explode...hopefully walk....GUN IT FIGGEY!!!(Figgey starts jumping on the peddles in an adorable fashion that if Lita were here she'd be going awwwwwwwwwww!!!!) Damn!!! So much for that plan..... Cow: What do we do now? PM: Oh I got a plan B...just wait here while I gather what's left of our friend here and give him a proper burial....ewwwwww..... (Later, or plan B) PM: Hello, magic distant relative in the sky voice guy??? I did it! I brought someone back form the dead! Cow: (Pulling strings tied to a corpse ala Weekend at Bernies) This is so humooliating...... PM: Huh....he's not here. Cow: Thank God..... PM: Keep pulling those strings..... MickeyTGardener President of the I Hate Dawn Club President of the Watched Gigli and Lived to Tell Club President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club 1963's Sexiest Man alive Green Light Edited by: MickeyTGardener  at: 6/14/04 6:21 pm

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